Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
