There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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