Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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