make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
this hospital has no fireball
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
