Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
