"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
