Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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