so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
