apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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