just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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