Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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