You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
