HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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