I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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