should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
