she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
