..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
