I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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