3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
