I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
