She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
