pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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