I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
