Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
