Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
