just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
