I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
