I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
