i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
