If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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