Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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