i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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