He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
