I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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