you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize