Non-Jews are for practice
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
