spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
