I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
