Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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