Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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