If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
