It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
