I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
