what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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