I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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