I got chris browned last night
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
