I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
