I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
