I cut my penus on the lid.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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