Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
