I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
