Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
