its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
