Do you still have your period?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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