Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
