i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
