CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
