Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
