Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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