Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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