I bet he comes in French.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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