So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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