And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize