i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
