I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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