You're my little dorito
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
