She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
