HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
