you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
