She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
