You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
